wanting what I used to have

I dream about you and I don't want to. I dream that we share a house and rooms so close together that we can see each other every night. I dream that you are leaving. but I still go into your room so I can lay in your bed and cry. I sneak in at night to watch you sleep. you touch my hand. I see your eyes.
I dream that you love me but it doesn't matter. mark that one down for real life. I dream that I cannot extricate your influence on my life. let's make that two. I still feel your hand around my heart and you don't even know it. I still feel you and it makes everything so much harder. if you don't call, I get depressed. if you do call, I get angry. I just want you back with me. I want you back inside of me. I want you to love me like I love you and I want this to stop hurting.
once, I told you that it was so nice to have a love that didn't hurt.
then it started hurting.

what is going back?

there is no going back?

How can I move forward when all I can see is what has been left behind?

what is romantic love anyway?