another sleepy-eyes wandering

still feel wounded, like the pink skin left from a picked scab. I am tender and more sensitive than I used to be. still feel wounded from everything.
I've begun looking at people as potentials. I don't like doing that. I want to just look at them as people. I liked being with shiny because he was the only one I wanted. I interacted better with others.
I don't know why I can't just be that way all the time.
how can I be healthy? how can I be the person I long to be? how can I be content with my life as it is?
I've lost so much this summer. joy said, "well, there's nowhere to go but up!" and I said that things could still get so much worse. I don't think they will, but the possibility remains. I haven't hit bottom just yet. I could very easily, but I haven't.
I've lost so much in my life.
nothing brings it back.
no way to return to who we were.