wants

I want these days to be further apart. I want to be more convincing. I want to believe that what I'm doing is healthy and not just some way to ease the loneliness.
But I haven't felt this way about someone in a while -- two years? Year and a half? Since my ex-otter swept me away. And this one, well, he makes a lot more sense to me. I want to hold my body against his and breathe. I want to sleep on his chest and feel his gentle hands softly move across my back. I want to listen to his heart beat and sigh. I want that sigh.
But I have to be sure I'm not using this to bury the pain. There is such a thing as "right place, wrong time." I know, because it's the story of every relationship I've had. This feels better somehow, but I still must be cautious. It's frightening. I feel when I'm around him. But it might be too soon.
Don't want to miss an opportunity. But can't the opportunity stay? My heart is light and leaden at the same time. Equal parts float and sink. I don't know how to be casual with him. I just want it all.
Wanting things I could have is much more terrifying than the want of the unreachable.

What if I actually manage to be happy?