To be willing to change.
He said, "I can't deal with the amount of control you need to exert." and I stopped. My therapist said, "he called you out!" and she was right. I said, "I don't want to be controlling." I don't. I never have.
I am what I am but I don't want to be that. I don't want to want to control. Most of the time it's disguised as some other need. Or it shrouds itself in anxiety, so my main goal is to ease it. Unfortunately, the way to ease is to control. Let's be honest here. Does the anxiety ever go away anyway?
I mean, yeah. Sometimes it does. But it's from letting go of control, not from tightening it.
I remember, camo wanted someone to save him. But you're not gonna stop drowning by letting yourself sink to the bottom of the ocean. You have to move your own limbs; no one's going to do it for you. Camo makes a beautiful ship wreck. Me, I'd rather be pulled in by the tide; deposited on the beach; live to see another swim.
No one can save me. All they can do is give me feedback.
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