anger will not cease

I dreamt entirely about ex-otter and deafgirl last night. There was violence. There was heartache. Bones was there too, and her coworkers were angry at me. The dream started with me staying with her. When I left, I went to ex-otter. And from him, came deafgirl. I threw sand in her face.

I hate these dreams. I know it's happening because steel and I are outlining our relationship more. I find myself thinking back to ex-otter, wondering useless things like, "what if I could have been like this for him?" But it's over. It doesn't matter. All that's left of it for me is the anger and pain. All I have is myself.
I don't want to dream about fighting while I'm sleeping next to someone great. I don't want to even think about ex-otter or deafgirl. I don't want to be angry.

I just want to live.