inevitable

This is new and it is so wonderful. I want to lose myself in the melody of your laughter. I want everything but you to fade away.

Oh, I think that I could let myself trust you. The tenderness of your fingers between mine. Waking up to your smile. Your eyes. Your beautiful eyes.
I am pushing away the negativity and trying to just enjoy this. Even if it all ends, I am learning from you. "I think I'm more patient than you." Well baby, like I said, it isn't hard. But there is one way in which I am more patient -- I am not pushing to see you. I want, but I can hold back for now. Because I know this is how it has to be. Yes, I try to put aside the fear, but I also know the best way to fuck up is to go too far too fast. I have lived it. I have seen it. I do not want that ever again.
I find myself trying to inundate myself in your presence when you are not around. I look for bands that you have played with and listen for the dobro or the lap steel. I listen to the guitar. I wish you were a singer so I could hear your voice. I would rather have you here with me, playing. I would rather have you here, your arms around me. but that's not where we are right now. that's not where we can be.
Oh. I do not want to be sad. I cannot. I am smitten with your smile. I want to record your laugh. Feel your fingers barely touching me; listen to you breathe against my neck. I have so much hope right now. Sometimes I even forget that I am still a little broken.
Be here. Be present. Be alive. Let this newness thrive. Be beside me but not too close. I want you. I want you. I want you.