maybe a beginning

I want to kiss you again and put my face against your neck. I want to feel the sweat in your hair and the strength in your legs. I want your denim lightly beneath my fingers. I want your eyes. I want your smile.

I want to kiss you again and it scares me. This is a new want and I'm not sure how to handle it. I want your lips quivering beneath mine and your tongue softly darting and your hands holding my waist while we breathe. I want to feel you.

I want you riding your bike beside me. I want you to watch me with fear from the road as I climb across a bridge, getting my hands rusty. I want to sit down and feel you sit much closer to me than friends do. I want that uncertainty. I want the excitement.

You teased me in the right way. I was so surprised by your words and my lack of offense. You got my jokes. You understood them. What would it be like if we fought? How would it get resolved? Would you hold my hand in public? Would you kiss the top of my head?

This is confusing, and I said, "perhaps I'm over-thinking things." There are so many people now that would be beside me. I am not used to this attention. I do not want to be caught up. I don't want to belong to anyone, or hold anyone too close.
How much is how I feel and how much is how I want to feel? How much is real and how much is loneliness?

I feel giddy when I think about him.
It's nice.
I don't want to be scared.