gusher

oh,
I want to show you my bruises. pull down my defenses and say, "look, here is where I was hit. here is where it hurts; but only when it's touched." I want to point out every scrape and scar. I want you to know where I came from; where I'm coming from. I want you to know that I'm tougher than my injuries. I survive them. I can overcome.

I'll draw you comics of my days. Look at where I've been! Look at what I've done. I can smell you on the memory of my skin. I can taste you. I still hear your breath against my ear. Your hands on my wrists as you pull me down.

I want to show you my bruises. I want you to understand what I do. I am accident prone both physically and emotionally. I have survived so much. I said, "I have trouble trusting people," and you said, "I had a feeling it was something like that." You knew. You knew because I knew. You know without knowing just as I feel without knowing. I know what you feel. You feel what I know. Is that too obvious? Is this too trite?

I know what slow is. I am gnawing at my restraints. I want to take off. With you. I want to let go of everything that is behind me. I want your werewolf teeth and the wrinkles 'round your eyes. I want so desperately. My heart has started aching in a new way. In that healing way. Like the itch beneath the skin of a healing wound. I can feel you penetrate my pain and soothe it. I can feel you all around me.

Fuck.

I hope you don't read this.