On again, off again, like a jacket on a spring day. Always on the verge of comfortable, but can't quite reach it. Always almost ready. Then I get pushed back. I say some wise thing, and then stop talking. Two days later, he comes back.
And I say, "ok."
Is this my self-esteem talking? Is this my doubt? My what-if function kicked into overdrive?Dear Self, what the fuck are you doing? Let me just weight out some of this guy's negatives:
anti-social. seriously anti-social. good luck with going anywhere, ever.
non-communicative. let's just forget that communication is one of the most important things to you. Ever.
needlessly mysterious. yeah, he just won't tell you things. no reason. like his age. he rarely answers questions directly and when he does it's usually with absolutely no elaboration. unless he feels like just launching into a story unbidden.
no PDAs. ok, you don't really like being affectionate in public either, but come on! holding hands. cuddles. etc. he means no touching at all, it seems. What are you, a secret?
everything is on his terms. communication, hang out, everything. his house, his time, his rules.
allergic to cats. let's pretend that all this other shit gets worked out (compromises, patience, etc). He's still allergic to Luca. doesn't that mean this relationship has no long-term potential? Luca has saved you so many times. She loves you and loves to show it.
can't come to your house. he'll die. awesome. that means you get to be the one always going across town. great.
"sorry babe, I won't be the thing you want." won't.
moody. no clarification needed.
how about good things?
comics
vegan
bicycles: riding them, fixing them, etc.
no car
incredibly intelligent
no drinking, smoking, or drug use
funny
fucking weird
can be very sweet
honest?
damaged. someone to relate to.
I guess we'll figure it out then.
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