maybe baby, what you need could be me

Heart is going over-time. Feels like it's gonna jam out of my chest; haven't really felt this way since dru died and ex-otter left me. so consistent. so frightening.
I haven't slept enough. Can't sleep beside pants, no matter how hard I try. I just wake up and wake up and wake up and wake up. Now my body is shutting down and my heart's trying to keep it functioning. Now I gotta suit up and ride in the frigid rain and make it beat harder. What if I pass out? What if I don't make it?
This is stupid. I miss pants. I want to go over to his house. I don't want to go home; I don't want to go to dinner. I just want to lay down with him and read comics. I want to know what it's like to be around him when it's not a booty call and there is no crisis.
I want to know what it's going to be like to date him. If that's what I'm doing. I think that's what we're doing.
He said that he liked me. He compared my style to exes of his. What is my style? Dyke? "Whenever I see an attractive girl and find out she isn't a lesbian, I think 'what a loss.'" I mean, that's another woman that has to deal with men.
I think I worry out of habit. Inside, I'm not so concerned. If I could just get enough sleep; if I could sleep soundly beside him; if he could come over to my house; things would be different.
If that, then this.
It doesn't matter. What I have is what I have and I'll take what I can get. I said, "I don't trust anything easy. If things fall too easily into place, I just wait for them to fall apart." I make my life into trial and error. I make my life into hardships. I want to work for everything; yet I want it all just handed to me.
I want everything with reciprocation.

Every time I see him, it's a compliment.