There are times when I am so used to being treated poorly that it comes as a surprise when people are immediately and genuinely nice to me. When I am looked at as a person instead of an oddity, I am not entirely sure how to respond. It always feels so good.
"What's your major?" "Social work." "HA! Really!" What is that supposed to mean?
I am getting so used to people I'm attracted to being uninterested that when there's finally a mutual attraction, I have no idea what to do. I come on too strong. Well, I come on too strong for them. I have started feeling like I'm doing something wrong. I am wrong. I am not right. I am incorrect. I have started to believe that I am the problem. The error is within me.
I don't like feeling this way.
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previous lamentations
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2009
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Oct
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- who decides where the train tracks lay?
- "don't know if I can make it through another winte...
- caring trumps suicide
- if I'm not a yo-yo, why do I keep coming back?
- never will; if never is
- gradual observation
- what, me?
- these are my shoes; those are your shoes
- maybe baby, what you need could be me
- my repetition is your salvation; your salvation aches
- the blindfolded leading the bound
- open hands, closed eyes
- how can I do this alone?
- this time, this year
- let what be?
- more thoughts in the process
- it's not just autumn anymore
- an unfinished journey
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Oct
(18)
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