21 October 2009

gradual observation

There are times when I am so used to being treated poorly that it comes as a surprise when people are immediately and genuinely nice to me. When I am looked at as a person instead of an oddity, I am not entirely sure how to respond. It always feels so good.
"What's your major?" "Social work." "HA! Really!" What is that supposed to mean?
I am getting so used to people I'm attracted to being uninterested that when there's finally a mutual attraction, I have no idea what to do. I come on too strong. Well, I come on too strong for them. I have started feeling like I'm doing something wrong. I am wrong. I am not right. I am incorrect. I have started to believe that I am the problem. The error is within me.
I don't like feeling this way.

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