altered states bring open minds

If I wasn't a fucking wimp, I'd write to you and say this:
Wizard. You reminded me of the potential people have. I miss stupid shit about you, like your fanny pack. I miss beautiful things like the way your eyes crinkled when you smiled. It felt so good to be around you. Comfortable, relaxed. I knew there were always things you were feeling but not saying; I'm kind of used to that. If I wasn't a fucking wimp, I'd say that I wish we lived in the same town so we could be together. I'd say that I want to be with you. I'd say how much I'd like to hold hands with you in public and make out with you in a park. It would be wonderful to listen to metal with you. To collaborate on art. To fall in love.
If I wasn't drunk, I wouldn't be saying any of this now. Maybe I'll delete this in the morning. But I loved the feel of you against me, in any way. I liked how close you'd sit to me so our legs would touch. We had one week together. We had one week and it was so good. When I saw you again I felt like I'd regained a lost part of me. I didn't want you to leave but couldn't say it.
I want you. Emotionally, physically, spiritually. I want you. I don't know what to do with this feeling but pretend it doesn't exist. I don't know what to do with any of this. It feels good but is terrifying because ultimately I am a cynic and even if I could tell you these things, I don't know that it could work.
This feels like old days. It is familiar. The difference? I am actually over my exes.
I miss you so much.