more pain for your perusal

I hate you beautiful people with your stubble and your slender fingers. I hate the way I feel when I see you. I hate the things that we do together, or don't do, or refuse to do, or things that I miss that we did. I hate wanting you so badly and being denied. I hate you beautiful people with your beautiful eyes, that beautiful smile, and the way you touch me when you talk (sometimes). I hate your face. I hate your ribs. I hate everything you do. I hate your enchanting voice.
I hate you so much because you will not love me. You will not be with me. I am beside you and it pains me constantly. I am less than nothing because you refuse to be anything to me. I hate your words and the hopes they give me.
I hate these interactions because I miss them so much when you are gone.
I miss you so much when you are gone.

I hate you beautiful people that will not be with me.
I never belong.
I never fit in.
I will never be normal enough.
I wish I could have stopped this long ago. After a while everything builds up and I no longer know what to do with all of this disappointment.
What do I do with all of this disappointment?
I want to die so badly right now, but I know if I can just wait it out then the feeling will pass.

Oh, you have no idea what I put myself through so that I love no one at all. I hate myself more than anything or anyone that could ever be thrown at me.
I hate myself and I don't know how to fix it.