it doesn't leave me; why'd it leave you?

I finally did it. I looked at ex-otter's facebook page. His status is "in a relationship with _deafgirl_." We were together for over a year and he never changed his online statuses. His main picture is a pic of them together. Ditto. He is scum and I hate him. It hurts. It hurts so much I can't feel it.
She joined the group "alternatives to marriages." It seems like they're living together. The pictures of them, he's holding back her long, tangled hair. She is trash. He is too. I hate them I hate them I hate them I hurt.
How does this happen. Why do I still hurt so much, but he's just buried in this fucking lie? It feels like a lie to me. Why isn't anyone here to hold me? What the fuck did I do?
Crying, finally. I wish I could be happy for them. I still feel betrayed. I think what would help is if I heard apologies from them. But I can't control this shit. They don't think they did anything wrong. That confounds me. TO them they didn't, to me they might as well have killed me.
I am so sick of this pain. I just want it to leave. Pocket of air around my heart, contracting. It's a vacuum; like when your lip gets stuck in a straw. Uncomfortable times ten.
It's not real anymore, but I'm still stuck. I hope this trip knocks my ass out of it. I need my head to be somewhere else for a while. I must do what is right for me. Right?
Pocket of pain around my heart, contracting. I studied this in biology, right? Which atrium? Which ventricle? Veins or arteries? I don't know.
I hate this.

I hate that this happened in the order that it did; in the way that it did; with the ignorance it did. I hate hate hate htaehehahtha hurt.
H
U
R
T

You don't understand, ex-otter.
Neither do I.
I think you and I are over. I hope she hurts you soon.