exit stage left, cry on the stoop

Therapist said this reaction is drawing from the pain I still feel from ex-otter's treatment of me. Therapist said that, to me, this just proves that men will only hurt me. Therapist said I should give Steel another chance.
What do I say?
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.
Yes. This does re-awaken wounds I am trying to bury. Yes, it does show me that all men I know will at some point hurt me. Didn't someone say that the goal in life is to avoid pain? What the fuck?
Show some tact, show some intelligence, show that you care. He signed his apology with "love" and that's the first time he's ever done that. Most of me says not to look back. A small part whispers, "look up."
This is a circle I'm tired of following. I'm tired of this town and I'm tired of its residents. I am so fucking sick of my anxiety. I say, "I don't view myself as an anxious person. Every time I am, it's like getting used to it all over again." That's true. I am not who I want to be.
Much of my life, I've looked in the mirror and didn't think it was me. I still feel that way.

Heard a story today from my supervisor. Said she fell in love at 18, but the guy wouldn't stay with her. They never stopped loving each other, even though sometimes 7 years would go without them talking. She got married three times, had two kids. He was married. Twenty-six years after they met, she moved back to RI. He called her. And that was that. They're getting married this summer.
Fairy tale beginning, fairy tale ending, total fucking heartache in between. Should I let this give me hope, or should I take it for the fluke that it is? Because let's be honest here; I love ex-otter. I could deal with almost anything if it meant I'd have him again eventually.
I mean, that's the romantic in me talking. In reality, I say "fuck him" and just want to leave him behind forever.

It's so easy to sound beautiful when no one's listening. Your own ears never really hear what you're saying anyway.