I try to hide how stuck on him I am. I don't try very hard, but it's definite that no one knows how often I really think about him.
here's the answer: all the time.
everything I want to do, I want to do with him beside me. it's been a long time since I've felt so cemented to someone, especially when it's not expressed to be mutual. it's been a while since I've wanted to be around someone more than they seem to want to be around me.
I use these indefinite terms because I'm still not sure how he feels. the depths of me maintain that he does want me and all of me. but I can't ever listen fully to that voice. I can't give up my skepticism. if I do, then I'll be lost completely. if I do, then I open myself up again to so much hurt.
and we're not together anyway.
I'm not just a friend to him.
no matter how hard he tries to believe that.
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