conjecture

I wonder if acceptance is:
-a slow steady numbness
-losing emotion
-pretending you still feel

I wonder if acceptance is:
-losing interest in the chase
-losing interest in chasing anyone
-losing interest in being chased

I wonder if acceptance is:
-numb fingertips
-staring at the ceiling
-not whispering his name at night anymore

I wonder if acceptance is:
-cessation of anger
-not caring that the anger is gone
-what comes when the anger goes

I wonder if acceptance is:
-not caring if he saw me
-not caring if I saw him
-not loving anyone new

I wonder if acceptance is:
-following someone else's lead
-acting out emotion but not feeling it
-inability to be the cold distance

I wonder if acceptance is:
-making myself like someone
-trying too hard for someone who isn't worth it
-existing and not caring

I wonder if acceptance is not saying his name outloud to myself. I wonder if acceptance is the sadness I feel when I think of him. I wonder if acceptance is feeling bad for their future. I wonder if acceptance is knowing I'll not meet someone like him again, and being unconcerned. I wonder if acceptance is having a dead heart. I wonder if acceptance is straight Bs from an A student.

I wonder if acceptance is not taking action one way or the other, knowing that nothing would have an effect anyway.