unnecessary exing

I saw his best friend before I saw him. her fading orange hair, sitting on the sidewalk and leaning against the brick wall. Then I noticed him. I waved and said, "hey" or something like that. I think they were surprised into responding. A mumble, no eye contact.
I don't know what happened. This isn't the way things have ever gone with me. It's just confusing. I lost a lot of respect for him. I surprised myself. He made no effort to ever talk to me about real things; to talk to me about anything; to figure out shit at all. He has a lot of attributes I find attractive but in the end he's just like all the others.
An enormous disappointment. Doomed to deny and fail.
Well, at least I didn't follow him for too long. At least he's invisible. I should get crushes on introverted newbies more often -- the damage is so much less than I'd ever expected.

Oh, and I dig myself further and further in by playing off my pain as assholery. The truth? I miss him. A lot.

Just don't tell him I said it.