rainy season

contained by nothing, in the way that
barriers prevent entrance and exit
stuck with unparalleled choices
stuck rather than freed by

say "resist, resist"
too tired to stand up again(st)
stoned then shattered and scattered, rehomed
no, not rehomed,
self de-homed

"come home" come home,
the only place chosen
not born into or circumstantially poured
flying down streets, feeling everything (everything)
everything everything
'til everything
broke

"that's catastrophisizing"
a fall so far for me there's no way to recover
"stuck points" she says,
all I have to do is uncover
everything I've avoided

a bunch of buried memories
half-dug into and bled and boxed up
a barn's worth of junk on shelves
that I'd rather burn than remember.

don't worry.
it's not
about
you.