care about me

since troy moved out, my cat won't leave my side. This is unfortunate, since I'm not home very much and when I am home, I don't necessarily want a cat attached to me thanks to the homework I'm probably doing.
troy and I have texted a little, but he's really severely distanced himself from me. this isn't much of a problem, honestly, except that I had fun hanging around him and I thought we would continue to hang out. oh well.
I am still waiting to feel something other than the usual loneliness. having him around really helped me out for a while. his way of approaching things was sometimes a little brash for me (pot, kettle, black, what?) and we are both defensive people so I think some situations ended up in places they need not have gone. it's easy for me to talk to him about things that don't have anything to do with him. you know, like missing my mom. but if it touched on him at all, it was very difficult to bring up.
I am in between things right now. I am essentially living alone, since the new roommate isn't moving in until april 1 and the other one is only home twice a week. I wish troy would just come over and hang out, just to keep my cat company. just to have someone to come home to and hug.
been wondering lately why I miss shiny. kind of a nice thing to wonder.
trying not to be bitter. it's difficult.
a lot of school things stress me out right now. but it all feels so transitory. it's hard to get too upset about it all.
after all, nothing lasts.
realized today that I have been the only constant in my cat's life for the past two years. and even I've disappeared for weeks at a time. poor kitty. but I always come back.
I miss having that sense of security.
I miss mutual love.