lately every day feels like sunday. like I'm on the verge of something getting ready to start. not start, like I'm waiting for something to end. like something is about to end.
things are going to change soon. everything will be different. whatever "everything" is.
melancholy like a blanket. I don't want to cover myself in it, but I'm so cold and it's the only thing around. dreams last night outlining my anxiety and reminding me of stress. being late, being lost, relying on other people, missing shiny, missing my mom, missing my family. the threat of turning into something else. gifts that I wasn't expecting and can't just toss aside. guilt.
I don't know why I get myself into these things. just to feel, I suspect.
sure beats cutting.
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