another night alone in my bed. par for the course. though last night chick was here and we were drunk and loud and in the morning I saw my new roommate (yet unnamed!) and asked if we had woken him up the previous night. "you didn't wake me up, but I did wake up and hear you." and it was awkward. and I asked him why he felt uncomfortable. "I don't know."
sure, he couldn't verbalize it, but I know why.
look, there's this intense mutual attraction. and we both suck at keeping it under wraps. I think it will be easier now that he heard chick and I having sex. I think he'll distance himself more. but I want him. chick is my friend and sometimes we have sex. but it doesn't really mean anything. our friendship supersedes the sex, which is something I've never had with anyone before. but I'm not going to cease having sex just because my roommate gets uncomfortable. not if the reason he's uncomfortable is because he wants to be the one fucking me.
if the reason is because he finds loud sex to be distasteful, then I will be happy to give him some earplugs.
I have plenty.
I hope he and I get to talk about this. I was hoping he'd be home tonight, but apparently he's staying at someone else's house tonight. I wonder if he did it because he thought chick would be here again.
last thing I need in my life is another guy that sucks at talking about his feelings and who is lacks assertion when it comes to problem resolution.
but, well, I'll still have a roommate. so there is that.
I'd just rather have him be more than that.
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