let's talk about feelings

my roommate told me yesterday that he's moving out. "why are you crying?" he asked me. I don't know, let me think ...
because, other than the two days when we didn't talk, I've really loved living with him. he's fun and thoughtful and shares a mutual love with my cat. he makes me laugh and laughs with me, too. he's vegan and conserves energy and water and rides bikes and helps me fix mine. he's affectionate and doesn't stay up late. and until this happened, I thought he was pretty considerate.
but I know I felt this coming practically since he moved in. he never took his things out of the boxes. he talked of us moving to a different, cheaper place. he said that this place was too expensive for what it was. but he had no concrete proof of it. there was nothing to show the landlord. roommate is like that with a lot of things. he takes his opinion and presents it as truth. but it isn't true. for the area, our apartment is reasonably priced. maybe it could be a little less expensive, but I can't imagine it would be enough to change his mind.
because it's clear that this is something he decided a while ago. so I have not tried to convince him to stay. I don't want him to stay because I want him to. I want him to stay because he wants to. but he doesn't want to sign a lease. he said it scares him. he has commitment issues, I guess. he doesn't want to be tied to one place.
and I hate this. I hate that having him around has made me happier than I've been since before my mom died. since I was with shiny, and even that was only on the weekends.
I could talk to roommate, and he would talk to me, and we shared each other as freely as we shared our food and body warmth.
"are you mad at me?" "I don't know what to tell you. mad isn't the word." and that was the last conversation we had.
I don't think I have anything else to say.
things were getting better, and then they stopped. and every time I start to hope for a better life, it begins to fall apart. I can only hold onto so many things at once. I still have a paper to write to make up for last semester's illnesses, and I have reading to do for classes now, and I have bills to pay, and things to remember, and I guess it's up to me all the time to visit the people that want to see me instead of the other way around ...
why the fuck can't things be simple?
why the fuck can't things work out, and then STAY that way?
I am so tired of this.
the only thing I can depend on is that people will only ever do what is best for themselves, no matter who it hurts.
that is what the past few years have taught me.