I have been dreaming and I wish I could forget. dreams about my mom's husband acting as though everything were fine between us. a dream where my mom is dead one minute, then alive and buying me thrift store trombones the next. a familiar pool (familiar in my dreams, not in the waking world) where I take my niece and her friend to swim. I dream of my family and half-family and I wish I could wake up to someone that would listen as I recount these images.
I had a fight with my roommate and I'm not sure how it all happened. I thought he was acting possessive and jealous and it got all blown out of proportion. and he talked to me in a way to which I've become unaccustomed. He used "should" and made accusations. I forgot that people do that. he told me I was too sensitive. I told him he was rigid. I got pissed and slammed my door and we've barely talked for over 24 hours. I think we've made eye contact twice.
this is so dumb. it reminds me of the fights I'd have with ex-otter. it makes me miss shiny a lot. he was so damn logical. he would listen to what I had to say, consider it carefully, and then respond dispassionately. but he never offered anything more than that.
I cried last night because I missed shiny. and because I know that things with my roommate have now irrevocably changed. we have stopped being kind to each other. we have stopped sharing.
we have another roommate moving in this weekend. what is going to happen?
I know I should feel more about this than I do. I'm just not sure how to go about knocking out the numbness.
and in other news, ex-otter texted me by accident today. awesome.
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