stating the brain-case

there's a sound outside my window and I'm not sure what it is. the wind softly blowing something against the glass. and I worry that I've missed autumn because of pneumonia. and I worry that I'll go straight into snow without getting to winterize my bike. and I worry that I'll never catch up in school. and I worry that I'll never find someone with whom to share mutual love. I don't have new roommates yet, and mine is moving out soon. no prospects. nowhere to go.
sometimes I feel so hopeless. I am so far behind.
I'm going to be 30 in five months. it sounds so much older than I am. so much older than I live. but then I think of friends that I have that are older than I am and still live young and I feel a little relieved. when I was 25, it was strange to realize that at that age, my sister already had three kids. married. a cat. a house.
I have a loft in a rented apartment with a roommate I met on craigslist. and she's leaving and I don't have anyone to replace her.

I have high standards and I'm not currently meeting them. there is so much going on that my brain seizes up and doesn't let me process it. I am left with a blankness in my mind. and sometimes I forget to break it down and pursue the things I need to do. and sometimes I just shut down completely.
in the face of all these stressors, I do something else completely unrelated.
whenever I am faced with options I cannot choose between, I pick one that wasn't even initially on the radar.
I wonder where that will leave me.
Hell, I don't even know what my options are right now.
I'm just holding on with my eyes closed, hoping that when my grip finally gives out there will be something to catch me.
not sure if there's anything else to do.