The sunny days are better than the rainy days, but not by much. I still sit inside alone. I still keep myself separate from everyone. I still cease to reach for anyone. I just can't see the point.
Yeah, this is depression. So what?
I don't think I've ever been happy. I've been happier than now, but never some all-encompassing thing. My time with Shiny came close, especially right before my mom died. Right before he realize he couldn't see a future for us.
These paths we travel down: can we really see to their end? When we travel down the different forks, isn't it possible they can twist back and reconnect? I don't know. I just know that I ache for him. And I ache.
He didn't call last night. I didn't call him. It was Friday. Maybe he thought I'd be out. I wasn't. There are always excuses.
I'm so tired.
I like escaping into the worlds that are not mine.
I like leaving the mediocrity behind.
I really miss loving my life.
I hope that some day I don't look back and realize that this was the best of the worst of this time of my life.
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