not safe for anything

You used to straddle my chest and lean your head against the wall so you could watch my face as you fucked it. I'm not sure when that stopped. I know it had ceased after my mom died, but I'm not sure if it started before then.
Yeah, I miss you. you know that because I tell you. everyone knows that because I tell them. but what is it that I miss?
the normal things. the physical things, like hands and eyes and your smile. freckles. thighs. your voice, and how you'd agree when I said you were cute.
you never told me I was beautiful. I wonder why.
I wasn't someone you could picture yourself with long-term. why?
was I ever?
you used to agree that we were well-suited for each other. when did that change? why?
have you ever questioned any of these things?
I don't know how to get over you without a fight. but you don't fight and you don't get angry. you just agree, or stay silent, or say you don't know. how can you not know? what do you know?

I want to be angry, but I'm not. I just miss you, and I'm sad. I don't know what any of this means to you. I don't know what I mean to you.

hold onto the sadness, because without it, you are gone. I just wanted you to stay.