mentions

I feel like I've done everything that I could do. I keep trying to do the "right" thing. I keep trying to do what's "best." I listen to what feels best to do. But I don't know what these things mean anymore because no matter what they all hurt. If I fuck up, it hurts. If I don't fuck up, it hurts.
The thing about relationships is that it takes two people for them to work, but only one to fuck it all up. It just goes a lot faster if both people are fucking up.
I cry when I see evidence of some kind of strong, boundless love. Sometimes it's on tv, sometimes it's descriptions of the relationships that people that I know have. Like my sister and her husband or my mom and her husband. They found it. Will I?
the decision to make things work no matter what.
will I get that?
will someone fight for me?

so melancholy.
so tired.