only to realize when I need it that it's just the same:
not there
not present
and I wonder why I bother.
and I wonder if I'd be better off alone
since that's what I am anyway.
since that's what it feels like anyway.
means so much less
than the distance between our understanding
we don't fight
but we don't talk
and there are no questions
about what I'm feeling.
how I'm dealing.
or what's going on.
love is more than what has been done in a day
and while sex is important,
it isn't everything.
I want more than this.
I thought I had that.
disappointment runs deep.
feels like I'm always fucking up.
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