13 May 2010

learning curve

keep thinking I found something different
only to realize when I need it that it's just the same:
not there
not present

and I wonder why I bother.
and I wonder if I'd be better off alone
since that's what I am anyway.
since that's what it feels like anyway.

sometimes the distance between here and there
means so much less
than the distance between our understanding

we don't fight
but we don't talk
and there are no questions
about what I'm feeling.
how I'm dealing.
or what's going on.

life is more than physicalities
love is more than what has been done in a day
and while sex is important,
it isn't everything.
I want more than this.
I thought I had that.

disappointment runs deep.
feels like I'm always fucking up.

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