it isn't where I thought he'd be but this is where I wanted

Feeling a little lost right now. My head's not quite attached. On the way to work, I had to pull a nail from my tire and patch the tube as the sky slowly darkened. I'd planned to be ten minutes early; instead I was ten minutes late. Still, I got to work before the rain got me.
Didn't go to class today. Not sure what I spent the day doing. I've been stressed so it was nice to have a little time to craft and clean and watch movies, but maybe my priorities got skewed. I'm excited about seeing Shiny tomorrow. I keep getting phantoms of his scent.
baking bread. muffins.

Pants found me today on an internet dating site. the same one where I met Shiny. Pants didn't write to me but I saw that he'd looked at my profile. I wonder if it was an accident. I blocked him and disabled my account. I don't need it anymore. I don't want him to have access to me. I don't want to have access to him.
But what bothered me the most was that in the "looking for" section, he said "short-term dating, long-term dating." It made me hate him. It hurt. It hurt because when I wanted him, he wouldn't have me. Now he's looking for what I could give. It's too late though. I've found someone better.
So why does it still hurt?
I don't want to be with him anymore. Shiny is better for me on so many levels. Every level.
So why does it still hurt?
I don't know.

This is a lack of control.