who is leading whom

"you feel like home."
"I can't believe I've only known you for a month."
When he's gone it's like life becomes muffled. I have to try harder to interact with my surroundings. I have to make an effort to resume my normal actions. Because this isn't normal anymore. This isn't real.
But it is. I said before that I am living two lives and it's fine as long as I can maintain them both. I slipped last week. I slid this weekend. I regained my footing and I'm trying to keep it. I am trying to merge my lives so that the absence of one thing doesn't shine so brightly on the other.
This was what I wanted. This is what I asked for. "Me getting so melancholy is proof that I really really like you." I didn't want to tell stories but I did because they made me who I am now. Sometimes trust feels like ignorance. Sometimes it feels like I'm blind-folded and being led toward a cliff. I feel the sudden rush of air at my feet but the hand keeps guiding me on and on. Is this Orpheus, leaving Hades? If I don't look behind me then I'll get everything I desire?
If I can have faith in what I've been told then we can leave the darkness?
If I can trust, if I can trust, if I can trust ...
What if Orpheus had never looked back? What if Eurydice had returned with him to the surface? What more could he have been but the greatest musician in the world? Happy, I think. At least for a little while.

We don't live for the stories. We live for the life. Life makes the stories. There are no other stories about Eurydice. She is nothing. Only the pain of Orpheus matters.

I don't want to slide into the dark.

I want to believe in this.