I have felt utterly disconnected from the people in this town since I returned from Florida. I take comfort in this. I am outside of where I used to be. I don't want approval anymore. I just want to live.
Everyone that I have wanted has gone away. Everyone that wanted me is gone.
I sound melancholy when I write. I feel more introspective than that. I feel like I'm still watching my words. I feel like I'm still trying to find the right thing to say that will bring someone to me.
I don't want to do that anymore. I just want to be honest.
A long time ago I found myself content with the idea that I would be single forever. Of course I immediately entered into a relationship. But that is how you find things; you stop looking.
So how can I believe that I am fine with having no one if somewhere inside of me I don't think it is true?
I have paintings and drawings and sketches and words to prove otherwise. I don't want them anymore. Who will take them? How can I possibly destroy that which has lived in me for so long?
I long. I thirst. I tire. I reach. I am just me. I am me. I am all I will ever have continuously. Let this lesson be learned. Let me know; no matter who comes and goes, I will always have myself.
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