nobody wants this weather. nobody wants this either.

Feeling light-headed and strange. My lips tingled. It's been such a long time since they've done that. I almost forgot what it meant.
I looked at a picture of Pants. Oh god.
This pain in my gut reminds me that I am not well. Pain in my back sings a similar song. The longing in my heart stays quiet, mostly. I don't even check people out anymore. I get dressed up for myself. I wear these layers for my amusement. There is no one left to impress. There is no one in this city to win my heart.
Pain.
Pain in my lower abdomen. Pelvic inflammatory disease. Right, whatever that means.
Luca looks at me intently. Puts her nose right up to me, squints her eyes, and sniffs. She's been attached to me since I got back. I guess I could use it. I feel used to the loneliness. It just doesn't matter as much anymore.
It's nice to have someone love me. Someone that I love too.
My cat.
And I'm so tired of unreciprocated anything. Bear won't be around me now because of how he feels. Pants won't because of how I feel. I am light-headed and my back aches. Gnawing burning in my gut. I realize I am gritting my teeth.
Relax. Just relax.
I know I'll be ok eventually. At least as ok as I ever get. I know I'll be ok it would just be nice to feel it all at once.
I hate being ignored.
I hate being punished for having done nothing wrong.