Two automobiles, two trains, one bus, one plane (not in that order) and 8 hours later ... and I'm at Bee Heaven Farm. That counts the time I left my house until the time that I arrived.
Immediate comfort.
On the plane from RI to FL, I started writing letters to a new person that I've named "Pomme." This person does not exist yet. I made them up so that I would have someone to pine over instead of continuing to fret over Pants. I think this is ok, even if it sounds a little twisted. I don't want to talk about Pants anymore. I don't want to think about him anymore. If this is over, I want it to be over.
Do you know how many months we were playing these games? Something like 4. Maybe 5. I'm not sure.
I need to be strong for myself and not want him. I need to be strong and give up on him. I need to put a steel cage around my heart and let no one inside until they've earned the right. Until they've shown they can be trusted.
I trusted Pants before I loved him. Why?
I miss him. I hate it. I don't want to mention it again.
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