I don't know who you are.

I have replaced my facebook updates with a website. I think it works out better for me. After all, the only person I wrote my statuses for was Pants. Nobody reads the other website; so really it's perfect. There are correlations, but mostly it's just single sentences sent from my phone; things that I feel the need to express. It's creepy. I would be completely freaked out by it if I knew it was referring to me. Maybe I'm a creep. I prefer the term "romantic." I love being in love, and having someone upon which to heap my adoration. I like feeling inspired to write, and draw, and paint, and sing, and dance.
Unfortunately, when that is unrequited, I just come off as a big ole creep.

My friend had this to say about me: "I feel like you still think that there is some right way to go about forming a relationship and that if one approach doesn't work then you shouldn't try it again, when forming relationships is dynamic from person to person."
And it's true.
We are not static people.
We can change.
I believe in compromise.
I have changed so much over the past year --

One year ago today I died. I have had to build myself back up from the ground level. I've rearranged the pieces so they fit together differently now. There are holes in new areas but where there once were gaps there is now solidity.
I feel alright about this anniversary. This may be the only time I think of it. I hope so.
Certain things still hurt me. Today in one of my social work classes, we were talking about termination (as in ceasing to see a client). We discussed the different ways of terminating relationships whether it's a romantic one, a friendship, or professional. We talked about people who just cease communication. Like Pants. People who run away. Like ex-otter.
Look. I don't want to judge the way people do things, but it's hard for me not to when I'm the one who gets hurt by the action. Or inaction.

I can't make anyone do anything. I don't want to make anyone do anything just because I want it. My desires still shine through, though. I can't hide them.
I am supposed to trust that people will do what is best for themselves. I think it's more that people will do what will best serve themselves.