this doesn't mean to you what it means to me

today, it was apathy that saved me
apathy and hunger
when you're under water, everything feels better
dullness in my ears
small sounds become bigger
the world is a steady drum
one that I can handle.
when half my face is under water, I am soothed
open my eyes and see a world distorted
half under
half over
same place
different vision.
and I think,
"once suicide was blood,
then it was pills
when did it become water?"
I don't care, I don't care, I don't care.
today it was apathy that saved me
I couldn't feel enough to keep my head down.
today it was hunger that saved me
just the normal kind.
nothing special.

this wasn't a poem so much as it was
a lot of incomplete sentences.
I think I can relate.