first contact

Fuck you.
ex-otter wrote to me, asking for his brother's hat back and letting me know that he found a pair of my socks and one of my shirts. Fuck you. And then said he guessed I didn't want to hear from him because I hadn't written.
I am so angry.

Fuck you, asshole. Don't blame the lack of communication on me. YOU left ME. YOU broke off communication. YOU started dating someone almost immediately. YOU didn't read or reply to any of the emails I sent before. Why would I even bother writing? I don't want to wonder if you'll write back. I don't want to wonder if you'll fucking read what I have said.
I can't believe you would write after 11 months and just now say that you've found a pair of my socks and my shirt. I hate you. My heart sunk inside itself when I saw that you had written me. I was hoping it would be something important: something about dru; an apology for all the shit I have gone through over the past year; not this petty shit. I have survived just fine the past year without the fucking socks and shirt. I hate you for treating me like I am so inconsequential. Like all that I am to you now is some stuff you forgot to give back to me a year ago.
I hate you not contacting me early. I hate you for missing the suicidal grief I have been in for the past year. I hate you for not taking responsibility for your actions. For saying I didn't contact you. Fuck you fuck you fuck you.

This hurts so much. More than I thought it would. I was looking through my bookshelf's cabinet earlier today and found his number written on a scrap of paper. I ripped it up and threw it away.
Fuck him for treating me like I didn't matter.
Fuck him for continuing to do so.

I just cried so hard that my throat is sore.
I am glad there is no one here to hold me. I am glad I am alone. This may be the first time I've ever felt this way. At least since he left me.

Maybe that's what you call progress.

I hate him.