did you get it?

Aching back; not as sore as the hole in my chest. Aching back and I cling to it just to have something else to focus on. Something other than him; something I know will go away without me even noticing.
But he didn't leave quietly or with drama. I didn't push him away without a word. We gave each other chances; we gave each other choices but in the end there was no meeting place. It was power versus power and I couldn't remain impotent any longer. He is attracted to strong women but didn't want me to show my strength.

I miss that voice, and the songs he'd sing. I miss the warmth of his covers and the feel of his arms. I miss the comfort in his bed, his kisses, his eyes. I miss watching him, and fighting him, and his intensity. His intensity.
The sex before he loved me was so different from how it ended up.

Oh, can I touch you again? What would it be like to see you again? Would you go back to cold and closed? Or would you bloom under my fingers; would you rest your head on my shoulder? Would you place your lips in the hollow between my breasts and make me whole again, just for a little bit?
How did you understand so much without telling me? How did you notice?

Ache in my back matches my chest; they throb together. I want him. It's a different kind of pain; different loss. Can I have him back someday? Can someone bring him to me?
I mailed him a letter. I drew patterns on a sticker. I wrote in different colors.
I regret nothing.