what is me

We talk, the Librarian and I.
I spent the entirety of my break talking to him about economic collapse and the backlash in society. Why can't we continue this conversation? Why can't someone near me talk to me like this? Why did the last Beard have to have good conversations with me, then drop me like I was lead weighing down his escape?
"Maybe I'm undateable." "No, I don't think that's it. You're just unique and it's going to take a while to find someone because you don't want to settle." It's true. I want what I want, nothing less. This is what wears me down. This is what keeps me bound to my past. Trying to figure out what has happened to me that now makes me unappealing to others. Wondering why it was that in the past I could be loved. I was less stable then. Do people want insanity? Do people want the habits I've tried so hard to unlearn? They said they didn't at the time, but the more I work towards the goal of "ME" the less it seems people want it.
And I wonder why it matters anyway.
Be alone.
Be wonderful.
Just don't be anything but yourself.