I want something complicated. I want to work for the love and work for things to happen. I want beauty and passion and mutual adoration. I want to let my defenses down and revel in the openness of someone in my arms. I want initiation. I want full disclosure. I want the boy I thought I was gonna have, right until he said he just wants friends. I want everything he is, but in someone who is going to want me too.
And this is where I am right now. An hour crying, sobbing, pulling out my U-lock cuz some guys in a car threatened me .. crying crying and what the fuck is the point?
I can't deal with this. I can't deal with the games people expect me to play so they'll pay attention to me. I can't pretend I'm not interested so someone will be interested in me. I need to kill my hope and expectations. Otherwise I'll only ever be hurt.
I .. ugh.
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